When a custody dispute over minor children occurs, it can be extremely upsetting and financially costly. Such contests are usually between the children’s parents, but may also be between a parent and a grandparent or other relative, a family friend, or the state. To prevail in a custody matter, the more knowledge and preparation you have, the better your chances become. It will not suffice simply to tell the family court referee or judge that you are the best person to raise the children. Your case will need to be well organized and thought-out, documented, and supported by witnesses.
There are 11 factors that Michigan law requires the family court to look at in deciding custody, based upon the best interest of the children. These factors are:
- The love, affection and other emotional ties between the parties seeking custody and the children.
- The capacity and disposition of the parties to give the children love, affecton and guidance, and continuation of raising the children in their religion or creed, if any.
- The capacity and disposition of the parties to provide food, clothing, medical care and other material needs.
- How long the children have lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
- The permanence of the existing or proposed custodial home.
- The moral fitness of the parties.
- The mental and physical health of the parties.
- The home, school and community record of the children.
- The reasonable preference of the children, if the court deems them old enough to express a preference.
- The willingness and ability of each party seeking custody to facilitate and encourage a close, continuing relationship between the children and the other parent.
- Domestic violence.
Given this basis for custody assignment, the more favorable evidence you can bring of your fitness on the above factors to the family court, the stronger your argument for custody will be. If you wish to generate robust evidence in support of your custody petition, what follows are suggested actions toward that end.
Document your parenting. Keep a daily journal of activity with your children, including regular domestic interaction, to show how engaged you are with the children’s daily care. Record everything you do with and for them, down to small actions like packing the school lunch.
Schedule, show up for, and transport the children. Attend as many as possible events outside the home with your children – school programs and teacher meetings; taking or picking up children at school, and regularly chatting with teachers and office staff; sports and extracurricular activities; doctor, dentist and other appointments. This demonstrates the nurturance you give and also establishes people who can testify to the parenting you do.
Have fun with the children. Incorporate play, vacations and fun outings as much as possible, make photos of these occasions, these are “quality time” events.
Foster your children’s participation in family, volunteer, community service, church and other value- and character-building activities, to show your involvement in their moral education.
Document the opposing party’s strengths and weaknesses in childrearing. It will lend credibility to your case if you acknowledge whatever strengths the other party possesses. Equally, you should cite as objectively, non-emotionally as possible the other party’s childrearing shortcomings, including poor interpersonal skills; any reports the children have made or instances you have witnessed of neglectful, inappropriate or alienating behavior; unhealthy behaviors, mental illness or substance abuse; unsavory, immoral or illegal associates and activities; and, of course, violent or abusive behavior. Never lie about the other party or falsely testify to negative behavior, as this will end up hurting the children and the relationship they have with you.
Document your own childrearing strengths and weaknesses.The former list helps to make your custody argument, the latter gets you ready to address issues or problems the opposing party may raise.
Outline your financial strengths. List the marital assets, when and how each asset came into the marriage. List earned income you contribute, bills you pay, insurance, college savings, investments or other financial assets you provide for the family and the children. If you have had to reduce the time spent at home with your children because you are a breadwinner for the family or enhancing their financial security, be prepared to make the argument that you should not be penalized for this sacrifice and essential contribution to their welfare. Estimate your future earning potential, and outline how this will benefit the children.
Spell out how the children’s daily life will be organized with you — where they will reside, the suitability of the housing and its location, the hours you will be on-hand and when you will be gone for work, who will care for them in your absence, and so forth.
Describe the future educational plans you have for the children. Include how these will be financed, and how you will help the plans to be realized.
Prepare a witness list. Make a roster of those who can testify, if necessary, to your parental skills and commitment. Include relatives, family friends, school personnel, neighbors, doctors, and others. The longer the person has known you and the children, the more powerful their testimony can be.
Think about how it may hurt your case if you act in anger. Consider the harmful effect anger invariably has upon others, especially children; consider how it will be viewed by a judge or other court professionals, and how it might impact their assessment of you. If you need assistance managing your fear and anger so they do not overtake you and dictate your behavior, get it from a professional. Ask your doctor, minister or lawyer for a referral, or call Sterling Law Office, or visit www.divorceconnections.com for educational information and professional referrals.
Finally, find a lawyer who has experience, skills and knowledge in family law, and with whom you can enjoy a comfortable, trusted professional relationship. Just as you would not go to a family doctor for heart surgery, so you should only place your custody matter in the hands of a family law specialist. Interview as many attorneys as necessary until you find one who has a sound history with custody cases, who is focused on negotiating a best-possible agreement rather than eager for a court battle, and in whom you have confidence. In our opinion, nothing is more important to the result of a case, no matter how thoroughly you prepare, than selecting the right, capable lawyer.
Posted by Mary Wreford; Approved by Lea Ann Sterling, Esq., January 3, 2008
The information presented in this article is for general information only and should not be construed to be legal advice.